“You are what you believe yourself to be.” – Paulo Coelho.
I honestly love this man. There is something about what he
writes that always strikes a chord with me. I feel as though he were speaking
directly to me. And though I haven’t usually taken his words of wisdom to reach
a higher plane in life I have found comfort in knowing that my emotions and
thoughts had a genesis I can understand and appreciate.
The quote I mention however, seems to have found me at a
good time. I have read quotes of this nature before, of course, but I haven’t
actively tried to really understand the possibility that it provides. I also
neglected the fact that barely knowing that something is possible doesn’t make
it so. Every matter of consequence in life is derived from an assertive action,
if not yours, surely someone else’s.
So apparently, I am what I believe I am. But what do I
believe I am? I have a fair idea of my perception of myself but there are gaps
that I do not understand, or that I haven’t explored. So the first order of
business tonight is to find the missing pieces, and complete the picture. But
that I believe is best done in the confines of my mind palace.
What instead would be a wonderful way to spend my time is to
find the person I want to believe I am. Now isn’t that exciting? The best part is
it opens up a world of avenues and arenas that I have either considered and
discarded, considered but deemed unattainable or not considered at all.
What will I be when I am the person I will believe myself to
be tomorrow? Will I be kind? Yes, I think so. Will I be true to my words?
Certainly. Will I be uncompromising on what I earnestly feel is right? You bet.
Will I apologize when I regret an action? Yes. Will I be forgiving? Yes, but
only once. Will I remain fiercely independent, and unapologetic for it? Absolutely.
Will I be there for the people I care about even though it is much easier to
let inertia keep you from taking action? I will. Will I reach out for help when
I am unable to solve a problem, big or small? When I have exhausted my own
abilities and I trust my helper. Will I stop judging people on standards I have
conjured from the depths of my convoluted mind? Nope, but I will keep them to
myself. Will I be the person that smiles freely or the one who is surrounded by
a cloud of indifference? This is difficult to say, but I will keep a check on
the indifference. Will I keep score? I will try not to, even though I love to
win. Will I continue using sarcasm as a means to appreciate the irony we come
across in life even though it might be less than acceptable to other people? I
am afraid so. Will contributing to the world and being inspired to create always
be my top priority? Yes, and I will try not to forget it. Will I continue to
believe in love, despite the inevitable heartbreak? A resounding yes. And will
I always have hope and faith? Of course.
I know there are multiple layers to an individual’s persona,
and the attributes I envision for myself don’t quite make it whole. But I think
it provides the core to build on. The gaps still remain, the picture still
unfinished, but I like to think of them as opportunity to grow and add to my
arsenal the new things I learn about the world, people and myself every day. I
get to paint, erase, and repaint my idea of myself. It is a fascinating process.
